The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Feb. 9th, 2009 #13, Vol.1

Lucky number 13! Thirteen issues of The EPITAPH, a couple of news flashes and we seem to be highly successful with readers. We are enthusiastic by the response and thank everyone for their kind and supportive messages.

On an odd note, we get some other blogs that link to ours and we always welcome that. In the last issue, a Barak Obama site linked in to our story about the anti-Obama placards we spotlighted for their graphic excellence and then they quickly broke the link. Probably not the thing their readers wanted to see. 

Again, we here at The AFTERLIFE take no political sides. The articles appeared because the graphics were excellent and that’s what we do here; spotlight excellence (unless we are tearing down pure dreck!). Republican, democrat, libertarian or whatever, commrades, we make no political distinctions, nor will we ever because no matter what political stance you take, we are all future worm food together. There’s unity for you!

Well, without delay, on to the stuff you asked for…and some you didn’t!


Quotes from the deceased

“Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood.”

~ H. L. Mencken


Eulogy to the AFTERLIFE

“It’s a great blog. I’d even buy it as a coffee table book!” – R.J. Matson – Editorial Cartoonist, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

We need 102 issues before that happens, but it’s nice to know there’s ONE customer waiting patiently. – JS


3D is more than my grandmother’s old apartment!

That’s pretty much the only joke we can make for this item. A Japanese camera maker has developed the world’s first compact digital camera featuring a three-dimensional image system that allows three-dimensional still and moving images to be viewed with the naked eye. The system comprises three elements: a 3-D digital camera which captures an image exactly as your eyes see it, a 3-D digital photo frame, and 3-D prints. It is planned for release in 2009, taking digital cameras into a new era.

D Viewer Technology. ©FUJIFILM Corporation

This company uses a newly developed image processor, RP (Real Photo) Processor 3D, in the new system, with which it has succeeded in reducing this lag to less than 0.001 second. The processor also approximately synchronizes photo conditions on the right and left, including focus, brightness, and hue. Another problem with previous technologies was the difficultly of accurately crossing the center lines of the right and left lenses near the object being photographed, but this problem has been overcome with the use of the newly developed FinePix Real 3D Lens System.


With people, be color blind, otherwise it DOES matter!

Have you ever wondered why you seem to be hungrier at the counter of a fast food joint, more than you were when you walked in? Or why you eat so fast while you are there?

The importance of colors and their effects on the human mind have been of interest to scientists for some time. It’s been proven that colors have a great impact on our emotions and the way we react in various situations. Many doctors choose office colors that will relax their patients, and restaurant owners choose colors that make customers feel at home and hungry. Bright colors generally cause people to feel happier and earth tones make us feel more at ease and comfortable. A new study shows that two colors, blue and red, produce very different thinking capabilities.

If you’re doing something that requires more creative thinking, then blue would be the color to paint the walls in your office or to have as a background on your laptop. If, on the other hand, you need to be more accurate and detail-oriented, choose red.

The same may be said for the color of products and the packaging in which they sit on retail shelves. So don’t just stand behind a designer, directing colors that you remember being the color in grandma’s curtains; choose colors that affect moods and make consumers excited at the prospect of owning the product or reading the ad. Get it?


If a new study is any guide, the color red can make people’s work more accurate, and blue can make people more creative. In the study, published Thursday on the Web site of the journal Science, researchers at the University of British Columbia conducted tests with 600 people to determine whether cognitive performance varied when people saw red or blue. Participants performed tasks with words or images displayed against red, blue or neutral backgrounds on computer screens.


If there’s a satellite, then what’s the regular strength?

Google Maps is quickly becoming the go-to way to get around. iPhone users already use the application to receive GPS driving and walking directions, and the implementation of Google Latitude makes your every move publicly visible.

There are a number of other Google Maps discoveries that are a little less mainstream. How about roof advertising especially designed for Google Maps users? Or gathering a group of friends and enacting a series of silly scenarios to be immortalized on Google Maps’ Street View feature?

By changing a few numbers in the Google Maps URL, you can unlock a super close zoom option!  Only a few areas have been mapped for super close zoom, but in those areas you can identify the little people, see animals, etc.  As “Big Brother” as this may sound, we always say, use the technology to your advantage!

In order to unlock the super close zoom, you need to do the following: 
1. Using the satelite view, find a location that might be mapped with a lot of detail. 
2. Zoom in all the way 
3. Click “link to this page”, which is at the top right 
4. Replace the number after the “z” parameter in the URL.  The higher the number, the closer the zoom.  Most of the super close zoom areas are mapped between 20 and 23.


Marketing that’s driven

The Hyundai Genesis Super Bowl 2009 commercials were undeniably badass, partly due to Rhys Millen’s drifting and partly due to the return of The Smashing Pumpkins for the ad’s soundtrack. Hyundai is prolonging the buzz around these ads by giving away an exclusive free download of the track on its site.


The Smashing Pumpkins song used in the Hyundai Genesis Super Bowl commercials is called “FOL,” and it’s exclusive to users who register for free at the Hyundai site…at least, until the pirates get a hold of it. Heh-heh! I mean Aaaarh!


USB another great thing!

These high tech wristbands look like the popular wristbands that are sold to benefit charities. Pop them apart, however, and you’ll find a flash drive that can be used in your computer’s USB port. They come in eight colors and six drive capacities. Want them customized? You can add a logo and even a preloaded file.



Jones-in’ for love?

While we may have shaken a disapproving finger at the Jones Company for their shameful Obama Soda, we don’t hold grudges when it comes to great ideas.


This Valentine’s Day, snuggle up with your sweetheart and get a little sugar baby, um pure cane sugar that is, with the tasty new Love Potion #6 ($30) from the folks at Jones Soda. Forget the flowers and candy, because this romantic brew can be customized with your very own photo and personal message right on the bottle to express your love. This gift includes a 12 pack of Love Potion #6 Soda, Love Potion #6 Lip Balm and a Jones Soda Poster. It’ll definitely cast quite the love spell and is even endorsed by Cupid, I think.


3D isn’t just my grandm…oh, we used that joke already.

Don’t give your Valentine a regular, boring old two-dimensional card, when you can give them one these cool new 3D Valentine cards ($3). Simply write your romantic message anywhere on this card covered in red and blue hearts and when your sweetheart opens the card and puts on the included 3D glasses, they will see your note floating above a sea of hearts!

Just look at the well thought out message they used in their ad! Keep in mind one of the services at The AFTERLIFE is writing. Next time, give us a call!



And for the love of hate…

Some people, believe it or not, are not exactly fans of Valentine’s Day and wish Hallmark would blow up, killing every writer in the place. At The AFTERLIFE, we say, “don’t saddle us with those no-talent hacks!”

While we might suggest you sit down with your sweetheart the weekend before Valentine’s Day and watch “Blood Diamond” so she wouldn’t dare expect or even mention wanting diamond jewelry, there are many websites and gifts for the anti-valentine people out there. You know who you are.

Black roses in a coffin shaped box. A bit scary, even for us!

Broken Heart Knife Holder.

The “Knife Throwing” block

My personal favorite (because I have two of them), The Ex Knife Holder

Just in case you CAN’T “get over it!”

If you can’t” get over it,” then do it yourself!

And help your friends who can’t “get over it!”


And, just in case…

If the “Blood Diamond” viewing only makes her more insistent on a lump of compressed carbon, then try  a graceful porcelain mug that adorns you with a sparkling “diamond” ring when you pick it up. But wait, here’s the BEST part – it’s packed the 2 Carat Cup in an elegant over-size jewelry box, so when you present it as a gift, all you see is the ring!

White porcelain with gold or silver colored glaze and Swarovski rhinestone, individually boxed.


An idea that really stinks!

Well, it helps things that stink. Or…well you can imagine. The paper has color changing ink that reacts to odors. Use on food packaging to tell if it’s spoiled. Diapers to see if it’s changing time. Blogs that run out of truly innovative ideas and need to spotlight items like these!



Scarier than Valentine’s Day

These ads for the Sci-Fi Channel use a very clever twist on the old movie posters that warn that “The aliens are coming!” These posters reverse the roles, instead warning that “The humans are coming!”

Great use of the vintage-looking images, complete with worn-out creases. The ads were created by advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi, Milan, Italy.





The shizzle dizzle shiatsu

An odd ambient from advertising agency, Fields in Brazil, the message is “Relax with Shiatsu” (the Japanese massage art of walking on one’s back). While ambient adversing is a great way to gain attention, this one just makes our backs hurt at the mere thought.




We love our clients as if they were our own valentines! Why not think of making a date with us and see how love grows? The angels at The AFTERLIFE wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day and remind you that the design firms you use now are cheating on you and you should dump them right away. We will love you forever!

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity

Find true love here!



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