The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Mar. 2nd, 2009 #16, Vol.1

We like to look at our blog stats and see where our readers are finding us and which web sites and blogs have linked to one of our stories. Links have increased and eventually it had to happen…we were linked from an infamous hate group under the guise of a legitimate religious organization. There’s two things we hate here at The AFTERLIFE; one is when readers miss an issue and the other is intolerance.

We won’t even mention the name of this group as we don’t wish to add any hits to their site. We just want them to go away! 

Creativity means having an open mind to all possibilities. Creative people come in all shapes and sizes, all colors and creeds and all genders and sexual orientations. It is not the package that houses the creative mind that matters, it is the ability to create, innovate and generally make the world a better place. We support diversity and wonder why those who have faith that G-d created the universe and is an omnipotent power, think G-d needs their help to harm others on this Earth? 


Quotes from the deceased

“There aren’t too many people ready to die for racism. They’ll kill for racism but they won’t die for racism.”

~ Florynce R. Kennedy


Eulogy to The AFTERLIFE

“Jonathan, I like the Afterlife blog lots!  I’m in no hurry to get to the actual afterlife, though. I like this life even better.  I mean, look at all the cool toys it has!” – Walt Jaschek, Writer, 

Walt, we can wait for you here at The AFTERLIFE. The way things are going, we’ll be too busy processing bank and Wall Street CEOs  – JS


When the “Tide” turns, embrace the new “Era!”

“If you can’t hide it, embrace it,” is a good life motto. Cool accessory designers, Miss Geschick and Lady Lapsus, must clearly agree, as they have developed a product to embrace this trend.

Their ‘Puke Pet’ brooches give your pesky stain a purpose by simply making it part of your outfit. Simply pop on a ‘Puke Pet’ brooch and you’re ready to rock, stain and all. If you want to make more of a care-free statement, just go for the stain pin and let people stare.






Get organi

My father had the pile system. If he needed it, it was in “the pile.” I’m a big believer in the Rubbermaid system (the “pile” is in a rubbermaid bin) and trying to sell my kids on a plastic shoebox for each of their toy collections. Organizers do make a difference and here’s some more gadgets that keep the piles down to files.










These ads for Croma Eye Drops use bloodshot eyes with capillaries shaped like arrows, flames and snakes to relate their message to “Kill the red.” These ads hurt just to look at, but we must admit that they certainly evoke the sensation of red, irritated eyes and the corresponding desperation to get rid of that feeling.

The ads were created by advertising agency Tonic, Dubai, UAE.







As children growing up in New York, so many of us lived for the annual Christmas displays in the windows of department stores along Fifth Ave. These displays are the stuff of nightmares.









Zombo mambo

This undead minion is at your full remote control command. Simply press a button on the brain-shaped remote control and he walks and groans – press it again, he stops…hopefully!



Jones-in’ for gold!

Although this ancient golden fertility idol won’t make you fertile, is far from ancient and is made from durable, gold-colored vinyl rahter than gold, it’s still a cool replica that doubles as a bank for your coins. It’s accurately recreated in every detail using digital scans from the original movie prop and features a coin slot in the back to hold any currencies you may have looted, er aquired during your adventures. Giant rolling, crushing boulder sold separately.



How much larger can TVs get?

Engineers at Toshiba in Japan are on their way to making OLED TV Wallpaper, which will allow you to wallpaper any wall you choose with a very thin OLED screen.

According to sources at Toshiba, this is how this would work: “The wallpaper uses light that has been redirected by an ultra-fine grating that is fabricated by self-assembled nano particles.” It would seem that the effect might be similar to that of a Fresnel lens like those used in traffic lights, amplifying the intensity without requiring additional energy.”

Well, that sounds simple! Perhaps an application they didn’t consider is endless loops of moving wallpaper patterns when you aren’t watching the TV.



Brace-lete yourself for more Bluetooth

Here’s another fun Bluetooth gadget, the stainless steel Stainless Steel LCD Vibrating Bluetooth Bracelet.

This funky Bluetooth bracelet is made from stainless steel and features an LCD display that will let you know who is calling you. When will they add a matching pendant and earrings?



Ears to you!

A promotion for their frequent use earplugs, the 3M company went for a piece that could be used for many, many years. One plug for the month and the other for the day.




The last issue of the EPITAPH spotlighted the work of Matthew Hawkins ( and his 3D paper work. This isn’t Matthew’s work but we have to wonder why they used such a great medium for such a lame message? Maybe it’s just lost in translation. Maybe it’s just poorly written.

(Ad reads, “Office vultures can be more dangerous than desert ones. Get out of the world you live in. Idea adventure Fiat.”)


Shopping with character (or Hello Billionaire Kitty!)

Tokyo Character Street opened as part of Tokyo Station’s underground shopping mall in March 2008 and has since served as a center for people who want to buy goods featuring characters from anime and other forms of pop culture. A total of 15 shops operate there, including TV networks’ shops, an Ultraman shop, and a Snoopy store. The Street is regularly packed with young people, families, and travelers and is one of the newest hotspots in town.


Tokyo Character Street is located on the Yaesu side of Tokyo Station in an underground mall with 100 restaurants and souvenir shops called First Avenue Tokyo Station. The area around Tokyo Station is a business and commercial hub, and the station itself is the starting point for several Shinkansen (bullet train) lines and many other train lines. On weekdays First Avenue is used by commuters, students on school trips, and foreign tourists, while and on weekends and holidays it is visited by many families with children. The underground shopping mall offers a way for people to pass the time until departure, and many travelers wander in and out of the shops as they wait for their train.


Tokyo Station First Avenue originally had about 10 shops dedicated to character goods, including Snoopy Town Mini and Fuji TV Shop. These shops were relocated to a single, 80-meter-long section, and the number was increased by inviting an five additional outlets to set up shop. The new shopping street thus features a lineup of 15 shops specializing in popular characters like Ultraman and Hello Kitty, as well as merchandise from TV stations.


According to the consulting firm Character Databank, Inc., the retail market for Japanese character goods in 2005 stood at about ¥1.61 trillion yen ($17.9 billion at 90 yen to the dollar). TV networks know that creating a popular character is one way to improve their business performance, and all of the networks have been putting effort into coming up with a unique mascot and developing lines of goods connected with these figures.


The Ecch Files

Since we covered useful organizers, what could be better that these truthy file folders. Keeps the office staff laughing and the HR person writing reports about your “attitude.”




(available at


Organized. It means you get what you want, when you need it and without budget overruns. The staff at The AFTERLIFE is chosen for their track record in efficiency as well as their talent. Organize your needs by making sure you have The AFTERLIFE at your finger tips. Bookmark this site and put our e-mail into your address book.

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity

Click here to contact The AFTERLIFE!


2 Responses to “The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Mar. 2nd, 2009 #16, Vol.1”

  1. Carleen Says:

    First blog I read after wakeup from sleep today!

    Are you tension? panic?

  2. ha ha ha it’s a good blog
    Interesting Read! Very detailed blog.
    Thanks for sharing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: