The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Mar. 16th, 2009 #18, Vol.1

The Epitaph is published every Monday (usually posted Sunday night around 10:00 PM, Central Time) so the unusually high hits today either tell me that people are trying to catch this weeks issue before it is topped by next weeks issue, or people are expecting early publication.

Fear not readers, the next issue will be published on time. The only issue I missed was when I was (1.) traveling and had no internet access, and (2.) when a scorpion bite made my typing finger blow up to the size of a baseball.

As always, we love to hear from readers and special comments e-mailed to The Epitaph stand a very good chance of being included as eulogies. The increasing hits tells us you enjoy the blog but your e-mails and posted comments tells us what you like and why. Drop us an e-mail!

I really, really like you!

By the way…there will be no issue next week as we enjoy Spring Break, trying, where possible, to enjoy a few days off with friends and family. See you in two weeks!


Quotes from the deceased

“Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those doing it.” 

~ Chinese proverb


Eulogy to The AFTERLIFE

“Look at you being all modern and blogy! Nice work!” –  Joshua Jeffryes,

Yes, but I still type with two fingers, so there’s still a way to go – JS


Show me da Munny!

If you don’t know what a Munny is, then you probably also don’t know that TV stations will be dropping their analog broadcasts soon. Not ones to bash, but to inform, Munnys are the vinyl figures that have been sweeping pop culture for several years. There are also “do-it-yourself” blank Munnys and, naturally, people get quite creative. Here are just a few of our favorites…






Check out more great Munnys at: 


We’re not joking around!

Nothing says fun and warmth like a ski mask emblazoned to make you look like the cuddly psychopath and Batman nemesis, the Joker.

So when do they introduce the Texas Chainsaw Massacre “Leatherface” hat?


Garage sales

Professional garage door provider, Clopay, recently changed their website in order to make it more user-friendly, and also to empower consumers to see what a garage door would look like on their home before they buy it. All you do is upload a photo of your home and try out doors with the online tool to see which one fits the best with your house design flavor or personal desire.

While that’s not the newest use of the meduim, I always dreamed of painting a photo-realistic scene of a messy garage interior on the garage door so it would look like it was open and there were odd things inside like flying saucers, bodies, A-bombs, etc. Well, these murals are quite artistic in their own way.








Un-real realism!

Some more interesting murals.






Eye see…or not

A couple of years ago, the U.S. military changed the woodlands camouflage pattern that had been in use since the second world war for something that was proven to “confuse” the human eye. Well, these examples of “urban camouflage” are just as confusing. Great for scaring the Swedish meatballs off of Ikea shoppers!









When you want to be beaten or called names…

T-Shirts have really gone high tech and a bit romantic with the cool new Proximity Based Dynamic Life Shirts. These Tt-shirts, sold in pairs, have removable animated decals with six nostalgic 8-bit video game styled life hearts on the front that light up individually as the two shirts get closer to each other. You need two people wearing these shirts to make the magic work, so give one to your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day. It’s a perfect excuse to get a little closer and be ridiculed by everyone in creation!

(Editor’s note: Great technology but really stupid example. If you can’t think of a better or less embarrassing use, then give us a call and we will!)



Get the point?

We’ve spotlighted ninja throwing stars and knife handles that do this, but now we’ve found throwing darts that are clothes hangers. Buy them in a set of three. Better yet, buy a dartboard and have these stuck in the wall half a room away!




Oh, first it was their legalized pot and prostitution (um, well…) now they want to show you your weight while you wait (no pun intended?) for your pot smoke-filled, prostitute-driven bus. It only works for one person waiting for the bus, on their way to the pot-serving whore house.



Greenpeace gets down and dirty

Shock ads always seem to drive the point home and these ads from Greenpeace really get the message across. The copy reads, “You and your children can get used to this, but you don’t have to. Say no to nuclear energy.” We would have gone with, “Your grandchildren will see a different world if you don’t do something about it!” Still, very powerful visuals!




The truth is so much better!

Why is it that late night TV spoofs of commercials would make better commercials than the actual ones?



We would like to wish our clients, friends, readers and future clients a very fun and safe Spring Break. Naturally, the cell phone will be at my side and ready for business. It’s not work if you love what you do, but how does one make out an invoice for “fun?”

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity



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