The AFTERLIFE Epitaph – April 6th, 2009 #20, Vol. 1

If the amount of spam we delete from our inbox is any indicator of success, then we rule the internet!

It’s amazing the different kinds of spam we receive. Usually it’s just straight pleas for financial services, cheap Vi@gra or Russian brides (BTW – everyone at The AFTERLIFE is getting married next month) but our favorites are the spam that starts by telling us how great our site is and THEN swinging into the sales pitch.

Why do I bring this up? Because we also specialize in web content writing as well as headlines, catch phrases, ad copy and essays of all types. 

Give me the “write stuff!”


Quotes from the deceased

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?”

~ Albert Einstein

(After my stop at the “Trinity” site in New Mexico where the first atomic bomb was tested, I stood at ground zero and I got some great T-shirts for my kids, I thought I owed this issue a quote from Dr. Einstein and thanks for all the radiation!)


Eulogy to The AFTERLIFE

This week, we would like to give a eulogy to a friend who wrote glowing things about The EPITAPH and made some great suggestions for optimization of this blog. Kevin Skinner is an old cohort from Hallmark Cards and currently a web guru in Detroit (I forget the name of his place — I’m sure I’ll figure it out by the time I’ve posted this draft?). Kevin is certainly within the top three design  and concept geniuses I know and I am excited about making some improvements.

Unfortunately, that also means more spam. Damn you Skinner!


Success is in the “bag!”

“Classic Star Wars sleeping bag simulates the warmth of a Tauntaun carcass.” Hmmm, some boast! Didn’t Han Solo exclaim, and I thought they smelled bad on the outside?”

Despite that, our hats are off to the guts (sorry!) it took to push through this product. You have to love the happy face on the Tauntaun and the bowels lining. Absolute sick genius!

Built-in embroidered Tauntaun head pillow
Glowing Lightsaber zipper pull
Great for playing pretend “Save Luke from the Wampa” games
Teach your children about the best Star Wars movie ever
Fully Licensed Lucasfilm™ Collectable
Fits children (and small adults)
100% Polyester construction, Machine washable
Exterior Dimensions – 32″ x 60″


tauntaun-sleepingbag-embed3(There is a rumor that these were only April Fools joke done by the folks at Too bad — what a GREAT idea!)


Real, but not as cool as the Tauntaun bag!

According to Icelandic ancient myths, seals are believed to be condemned humans. Designer Prjónsdóttir Vik explains this mythical story on his site to describe the focus of one of his latest products, the Sealpelt.

The Sealpelt is made of 100% Icelandic wool, comes in nine colors. The guts to use one is not included.




There’s nobody gnome

It’s not that it’s the idea of recycling metal or my innate hatred of lawn flamingos and gnomes, but I love this product! Comes in several different mischievous models.

The Gnome-Be-Gone’s aren’t just interested in getting rid of gnomes in your garden. They’ll also weed out any flamingos that won’t go-go.

Includes 2 Gnome-Be-Gones and 1 resin pink flamingo.

Handmade using recycled components by uber artist Fred Conlon. Fred’s amazingly fun, funky, and always very unique art, has appeared in art galleries, festivals and shows across the country.

Measures approximately 24″ long x 16″ wide. Metal will acquire a rust patina finish with outdoor use.





(Available from our friends at perpetual


Somethin’ for everyone!

“Labs With Abs” is a picture book with drawings depicting Labrador Retriever dogs in some really steamy scenarios. Artist Andrew Jeffrey Wright sketches these beefy canine studs in stereotypically sexy scenes. 

The moral of this item — anything for dog breeds will be snapped up by fanatic owners!



Gettin Dong’s attention!

“Dong (clap-clap). Dong (clap-clap)! – (Grandpa tries to wake up Long Duck Dong) Sixteen Candles.

In order to get around the ban of direct-to-consumer advertising of prescription drugs on TV in Korea, Pfizer came up with these interactive ads to promote Viagra pills.

The ads come in the shape of a promotional hand fan with an image of an old or fat man without a penis. In order to use the fan, you have to put your finger in the hole, which gets the message across and ads play value.


The campaign was created by Cheil Worldwide, Seoul, Korea.





Watch for that buzz word. Tilt-shift (which we showed you a month or so ago) is getting a lot of attention these days. Here’s a simple video outlining the process.

Now, when someone suggests it at a brainstorm, you’ll have the knowledge to understand why it’s a really stupid idea — or not!

Check out a really good tilt-shift video!



It’s hard to fight the popularity of the iPhone. Sprint’s  Samsung Instinct just fell too far behind. This new model looks good, but can it iSucceed?

This Samsung Clover is an eco-friendly cell phone design made of recycled materials. Its PLCD back changes colors as the battery level fades, turning from opaque to clear. And LCD and electronic sensor add-ons help you further manage your energy consumption.






Blown my mind!

Blown Fabric” by Nendo will be shown at La Triennale di Milano for the Tokyo Fiber ‘09 Senseware exhibition at the end of this month. The fabric was created to demonstrate the new possibilities of materials using Japanese synthetics.

“Smash” is a long fiber non-woven polyester that can be formed much like glass-blowing. Because it is plastic, however, lamps and lighting solutions made from it are lighter and shatterproof, with a beautiful soft glow when light passes through.





HOT ad!

It’s always a delicate balance using this type of humor but when it’s pulled off right, how can you not appreciate it!?

Graham Lee & David Crichton, Toronto, Canada



Falling like Domino’s

Clever viral-marketing hoax or simple accident? On March 30,Domino’s stores got hit for over 11,000 pies as part of a free medium-pie promotion that didn’t even exist. Or so they thought. Turns out in December, Crispin Porter + Bogusky devised an online promotion using the password “bailout.” It never got the green light from corporate, but no one went back and disabled the code, says Domino’s rep Tim McIntyre. Three months later, he says, a consumer, tinkering with Domino’s online ordering, “randomly” typed in the word and triggered the free coupon. That happened late this past Monday night.

By the time store owners opened Tuesday, their computers were “dinging” with orders. More than half of the 5,000 U.S. stores had at least one redemption. Based on the volume of orders at two particular stores, the company thinks the whole thing started at a college near either Cincinnati or Salt Lake City. Soon, value blogs picked it up, the run on free pizzas spread. The company, which is reimbursing franchisees for the cost of food, disabled the promotion at 11:30 a.m. on March 31, the day before April Fool’s Day. “That was just a quirk of timing. This isn’t a hoax, scam or hacker. It’s an honest-to-goodness mistake,” insists McIntyre. But he admits it’s “reinforced to us the power of viral marketing and the power of the word ‘free’ with ‘pizza.’ ” And in these grim times, it proved cathartic for consumers: “When word got around and people found out that it was a mistaken free promotion, they liked it even more,” he says. “People liked it because they felt, ‘We just stuck it to the man.’ “


The AFTERLIFE wants to hear from you! Must we do shameless paragraphs of self-promotion? At least send us a note and let us know you’re reading The EPITAPH.

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity




2 Responses to “The AFTERLIFE Epitaph – April 6th, 2009 #20, Vol. 1”

  1. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


  2. Modern Leather Chairs…

    […]The AFTERLIFE Epitaph – April 6th, 2009 #20, Vol. 1 « The Afterlife EPITAPH[…]…

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