“Spoil” those office food thefts!

Like many in offices that share one refrigerator, I have eagerly awaited lunch time so I could enjoy the sandwich I brought. Oh, I made great sandwiches and coworkers would marvel at them. In fact, they admired them so much that they started disappearing from the refrigerator. The feeling of anticipation followed by the shock and realization that your lunch is gone is akin to hearing the news of  the attack on Pearl Harbor or stepping on a Viet Cong booby trap of sharpened, poison pungee sticks (they were really good sandwiches!).

After several thefts, I thought I had the solution by announcing that I had poisoned my sandwich and the thief would be dead in half an hour. Unfortunately, even threatening to have poisoned your own sandwich to catch a thief is frowned upon by the HR department, moreso than stealing someone else’s lunch.

Well, lesson learned, but prevention is better than revenge, so here’s a product that deters lunch-felons before their hideous, thieving, yellow teeth have sunken into your 12-grain bread. The Anti-theft Lunch Bags (not a great name, but it works) is now available to those plagued by people who won’t respect the sanctity of your lunch, the group refrigerator honor pact and are probably only still employed due to the Peter Principle.

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The bags are printed to look as if the contents have an unidentified mold. The perfect camouflage, if you know what sits in office refrigerators.

For real fun, try sending this off to school with the kids and hear afterschool tales of their little friends vomiting at the lunch table as junior takes a big bite of mold. Thousands of uses!

 

If that doesn’t work and just looking at the bag, even though you know it’s fake, sickens you, try the Atomic Waste Bowl. Glows strong bones 12 ways!

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