The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Jan. 5th, 2009 #8, Vol.1

Welcome to another year of life! The feedback on The EPITAPH has been great and we appreciate the messages of kudos and death threats alike. Please feel free to post a comment right on the blog. We are going to add a couple of old things that people say they missed about the editor’s ultra-successful blog for Hallmark Cards (The !NNOVATION Lounge). Read on, Macduff and enjoy the latest innovation and trends for the living.


Quotes From the Deceased

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

~ Albert Einstein


Eulogy to The AFTERLIFE

“Kudos to The AFTERLIFE. The world beyond never looked so fun. I thought it was just a tunnel with blinding lights with fuzzy figures calling out to you. You have shown that it is a world of creative and colorful commerce. I hope they take credit cards there, ’cause they don’t in this world.”

David Erwin, Executive Creative Director, Licensing & Brand Management  – DC Comics (A Warner Bros. Entertainment Company)

Thanks, David! You are a man of class and taste, but apparently you don’t receive the credit you deserve. You can always cash in on your superior creative abilities in The AFTERLIFE! Hope to work with you again in 2009 (and beyond!) ~ JS


In Memorium

For the first issue of 2009, we would be remiss if we didn’t offer a list of the movers and shakers who passed on in 2008. For them, we include a passage from the also late, Matthew Arnold’s Memorial Verses. A little passage I plan on including on my tombstone should my family refuse to have a parking meter in place that reads, “EXPIRED.”

His eye plunged down the weltering strife,
The turmoil of expiring life—
He said: The end is everywhere,
Art still has truth, take refuge there!
And he was happy, if to know
Causes of things, and far below
His feet to see the lurid flow
Of terror, and insane distress,
And headlong fate, be happiness.

New AFTERLIFE residents


Tattoo, Three or More!

If you’re like me, you have one, or two or a dozen tattoos. THIS is the most incredible tattoo art I have ever seen. I’m not talking about beautifully colored and rendered dragons or Sailor Jerry work…I’m talking incredible use of the medium and design.


Give This Toy the Finger!

Tuttuki Bako (manufactured by Bandai) is the latest virtual toy from Japan. While the Tamogatchi was a pet you pushed buttons to play with, this toy uses your finger. Insert your index finger into the hole and watch as the LCD screen mimics the finger movements. No matter what, I’m not sticking my finger into any toy that doesn’t explain the functions and ramifications with english instructions!



Flat Burger without the Fat

The Origami Burger is a great way to lose weight! You’ll probably just go insane trying to fold and glue the snacks included. It must be popular as the on-line retailer is out of stock.


Set includes sheets of printed sixteen, 6″x 6″ pieces of origami paper to make two burgers, a soda, a carton of fries and a tray. Illustrated instructions are easy to follow even if you don’t understand Japanese…because you don’t have to stick your finger into it, as with Tuttuki bako!


Watch the Birdie!

Even James Bond would be amazed at a normal-sized watch that can record eight hours of color video with sound! Just plug your watch into your computer via USB and download your recordings. Retailing for $199.99, imagine video proof of your abusive boss going on at you behind closed doors, that obnoxious HR person or the person cheating on your best friend.


Available HERE!


Cheat Death!

Not that we here at The AFTERLIFE support this sort of thing, but in the Cheating Death quiz, you’ll try to match up the famous corpse with the object that might have prevented his or her death.


Take the quiz!


The Obama Generation?

Who knows why people do what they do? Pepsi recently redesigned a logo older and more recognizable than you or I. The question is (not the “new Coke,” “Classic Coke” thing) but is this design made to mimic the Obama logo? Will Pepsi redesign in four or eight years? What is this supposed to mean anyway? Well, in an all out effort to hype, er, make the public aware of its new logo and celebrate the “next generation’s” apparent positive outlook for the coming year, Pepsi has unleashed itself upon Times Square with a week-long promotional extravaganza.


Here’s a really disturbing video!


Do uLike iArt?


Disney artist Stef Kardos aims to dispel any myths that the iPhone isn’t a legitimate art tool with this digital collection of ‘iPhone Sketches.’


Using only the Brushes iPhone app, Kardos has created a stunning digital portfolio of sunsets, pop art and portraits. All of the artwork is posted to Kardos’ Flickr page. If you’re unfamiliar with how the Brushes iPhone app works, check out a demo above created by David Onze, another user.


The “END” product

Only in Asia would you find such a gadget. The “fart silencer” is inserted where the sun don’t shine and will mute the sound of any flatulent emission (it looks like it would make a whistle sound like one of those toy turbine rings). Wearers can also insert a cotton ball dipped in “any pleasing scent” to mask any odiferous emanations. What is it they eat in Asia that causes such intestinal problems? Even with this product, I think I can still say, “I haven’t seen it all!”



Got creativity?

Pulled from the air after only a few days, this is the funniest milk commercial ever! Considering a generation of Monty Python and SNL viewers are consumers, why was this considered “not appropriate?”


iSponge Dockpants

The “eyes” have it with this creative iPod dock with speaker eyeballs. Available at Toys ‘r’ Us.



Worth a 1000 words

Simplicity has always been the best word in print ads. These ads for Careerbuilder get the “job” done!





Not my “type” of ad

Aside from the product being rather odd…as well as everything in it being odd, who would have approved of the double headline in this old ad? Luckily, the executive who approved this is probably dead by now. Unfortunately, this is The AFTERLIFE!



It’s not that we’re against odd. Many oddities have great attention draw but there’s creative “odd” and foolish “odd.” Years of experience has taught our creative staff the difference and we strive to create an odd that people will talk about. An odd that will draw attention. An odd that will be viral and appear on blogs and e-mails across the world. All we ask is that you allow us to play the “odds.” Oddly enough, you’ll come up a winner!

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity

Seance to The AFTERLIFE


One Response to “The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Jan. 5th, 2009 #8, Vol.1”

  1. Can you message me with any hints & tips on how you made your blog site look like this , Id appreciate it!

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