The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Mar. 30th, 2009 #19, Vol.1

“Better late than never.” Does that excuse this issue being late?

I’ll file that with, “it’s not the destination  — it’s the journey!”

After a week of Spring Break with my kids in lovely Scottsdale, we had to depart. Giving us three days to drive 1,400 miles, I never dreamed that snow and wind would destroy our SPRING Break! After about 400 miles through a desert blooming with flowers and green mountains, we arrived in Alburquerque to a flashing sign that warned us the highway was closed from the edge of the city to the Texas border. We found a motel and watched the Weather Channel, seeing that Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas were also having a wonderful end of days due to snow and wind. I joked we were going to just live in Albuquerque. God didn’t care for that quip.

We awoke to find that the highway was still closed, so genius that I am, I decided to head south and swing through the lower secondary roads. They were closed. Further south we went, through towns with three buildings and two people. I suppose when we found ourselves crossing the “Trinity Site” (the patch of New Mexico desert where they tested the first atomic bomb) it was obvious we were off the beaten path.

We did get to see the “Smokey The Bear” monument, a lava field and the town of Old Lincoln where fans of “Young Guns” were posing for pictures in front of the Tunstil shop. It was time to decide if we should continue east on the small roads and into Texas or swing north, back to highway 40. Opting for a nice, smooth, radiation and lava-free road, we swung north to find the highway was now closed at the Texas border. Yet another night in New Mexico and a 400 mile jaunt to move 200 miles down the road from Albuquerque.

The next morning brought even more problems. The Santa Anna winds were blowing so hard I couldn’t get the car past 50MPH in the headwind and my youngest son’s case of gas made us wonder if opening the windows to brave the wind was a fair exchange. Dusk brought new challenges as the dashboard lights in my car decided to die on the eve of the next day when no Toyota dealer would be open. A pen light served to let me know I wasn’t redlining the engine and when the magic gas-go juice was all gone.

But, as with all travels, there was an end. The diarrhea dried up, we arrived home and slept for many wonderful hours in our own beds and the local car dealership will fix my dashboard lights tomorrow. Next year these will all be fun stories, or therapy will have wiped them from my memory.

Quotes from the deceased

“It’s at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys.”
 ~ Emil Zatopek

Eulogy for The AFTERLIFE

“The e-mail looks great Jon, as does the blog. It’s interesting to have such long posts rather than 100 individual items. Will look forward to seeing how your comments develop.” – Anthony Pafford, JellyPop

Anthony, we get a lot of e-mail, rather than posts, but our spam filter is catching more and more these days. I guess it’s a form of success!? – JS

Pod people!

Believe it or not, the modern cargo carrier, loaded on ships by the hundreds of thousands (millions, dare I say without research?), have only been in their present form for about five decades. Well, one of the finest and most innovative uses of recycling and green technology, those old containers are making a splash as housing and building materials.

While a number of resourceful people have converted shipping containers into make-shift shelters at the margin of society for years, architects and green designers are also increasingly turning to the strong, cheap boxes as source building blocks.

Shipping containers can be readily modified with a range of creature comforts and can be connected and stacked to create modular, efficient spaces for a fraction of the cost, labor, and resources of more conventional materials.

De Maria Design Redondo Beach House

With its modern lines and appealing spaces, the award-winning Redondo Beach House by De Maria Design, turns heads. The luxury beach-side showpiece was built from eight prefabricated, recycled steel shipping containers, along with some traditional building materials. According to the architects, the modified containers are “nearly indestructible,” as well as resistant to mold, fire, and termites. Seventy percent of the building was efficiently assembled in a shop, saving time, money, and resources.

One of the containers can even sport a pool! The lessons learned from Redondo Beach House are being incorporated into a line of more affordable, accessible designs, soon available as Logical Homes.

London’s Container City

Conceived by Urban Space Management, London’s Container City first sprang up in the heart of the Docklands in 2001. It took just five months to complete the original 12 work studios, at a height of three stories. Shortly after that a fourth floor of studios and living apartments was added.

Container City was designed to be low cost, as well as environmentally friendly. Recycled materials made up 80% of building supplies. Architect Nicholas Lacey and partners and engineer Buro Happold used component pieces to build up adaptable living and work spaces.

Container City II

Container City I was a success, and in2002, Urban Space Management added an addition, dubbed Container City II. Reaching five stories high, Container City II is connected to its earlier iteration via walkways. It also boasts an elevator and full disabled access, as well as 22 studios.

Port-a-Bach

Need some flexibility with security? Need a temporary structure or small vacation home? Going off the grid? The Port-a-Bach system from New Zealand’s Atelier Workshop might be a good fit.

Costing around $55,000, Port-a-Bach sleeps two adults and two children comfortably, in a dwelling that folds up into a fully enclosed steel shell. It comes with large internal storage cupboards and shelves; a stainless steel kitchen; bathroom with shower, sink and composting toilet; bunk beds and dressing room. Fabric screens allow you to shape internal space, as well as shelter the outdoor deck area.

Bach (pronounced Batch) is Kiwi slang for “Bachelor Pad,” and refers to the many small cabins that dot the famously picturesque country.

Cove Park Artists’ Retreat

Set on 50 acres of gorgeous Scottish countryside, Cove Park is an artist’s retreat designed to stimulate and reinvigorate. Urban Space Management first brought in three repurposed shipping containers in 2001, and the center became so popular that more units have been added.

Doesn’t look like your average shipping box, does it?

All Terrain Cabin

Canada’s Bark Design Collective built the All Terrain Cabin (ATC) as a showcase for sustainable (and Canadian!) ingenuity. The small home is based on a standard shipping container, and is said to be suitable for a family of four, plus a pet, to live off the grid in comfort and style.

The cabin folds up to look like any old shipping container, and can be sent via rail, truck, ship, airplane, or even helicopter. When you’re ready to rest your bones, the cabin quickly unfolds to 480 square feet of living space, with a range of creature comforts.

The Ecopod

Another container home designed for on- or off-grid living is the Ecopod. Made from a shipping container, an electric winch is used to raise and lower the heavy deck door (power is supplied by a solar panel). The floor is made from recycled car tires, and the walls have birch paneling (over closed-cell soya foam insulation). The glass is double paned to slow heat transfer.

The Ecopod can be used as a stand alone unit or with other structures. It is designed to minimize environmental impact.

Adam Kalkin Quik House

Want your own container house? There’s a six-month waiting list for the Quik House by architect Adam Kalkin, who is based in New Jersey. The distinctive Quik House comes in a prefabricated kit, based on recycled shipping containers (in fact a completed house is about 75% recycled materials by weight).

The standard Quik House offers 2,000 square feet, three bedrooms and two and one-half baths, though larger options are also available. The shell assembles within just one day, and all the interior details can be finished within about three months.

The Quik House comes in two colors (orange or natural rust bloom), and the estimated total cost, including shipping and assembly, is $184,000. You can add even greener options such as solar panels, wind turbines, a green roof, and additional insulation (to R-50).

LiNX Temporary Structures

Dublin-based designer, Richard Barnwall, envisioned this design, dubbed the LiNX as a temporary structure for construction workers. The two-storey model pictured is to be comprised of four 20-foot containers. Such designs offer flexibility and rapid deployment, and may even work for more permanent homes.

Ross Stevens House

Industrial designer Ross Stevens built this distinctive house in Wellington, New Zealand. Repurposed shipping containers form an intriguing contrast to the surrounding hill. In fact, the unique home makes use of the hill itself, expanding interior space beyond the containers.

Parts of the Ross Stevens house are surprisingly spacious and comfortable. There’s even a cool table made from a repurposed door.

Student Housing Project Keetwonen, Amsterdam

Billed as the largest container city in the world, Amsterdam’s massive Keetwonan Complex houses 1,000 students, many of whom are happy to secure housing in the city’s tight real estate market. Designed by Tempo Housing in 2006, Keetwonen is said to be a roaring success, with units that are well insulated, surprisingly quiet and comfortable.

Each resident enjoys a balcony, bathroom, kitchen, separate sleeping and studying rooms, and large windows. The complex has central heating and high speed Internet, as well as dedicated bike parking.

Keetwonen has proved so popular that its lease has been extended until at least 2016.

Site-Specific Exhibition

Site-Specific and Buatalah Studio were asked to design a green building exhibition for Baan Lae Suan Fair in Bangkok. They came up with a design for a family of three, made out of four reused shipping containers and prefabricated modules. The home reuses graywater and incorporates spaces for growing food.

For more “green homes”

Kill me before I try these!

Bubble gum cocktail wieners. There’s nothing that mentions if they are wiener-flavored. I once tried pickle-flavored gum. I’ve been sick to my stomach for many years since.

I was just kidding!

I’ll try the damn wiener gum but I don’t know if this is just an art piece or a sick (although innovative) way of making a buck from these tough economic times. A one-shot, backward suicide revolver. The AFTERLIFE would like to remind readers that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Makes a perfect gift for your AIG agent.

 

Aw! Shoot, that’s cute

These plush guns and war themed stuffies from the French artist and designer James Lassey are innovatively weird.

My only real concern is if anyone were to mistake the rifle for the real thing which, of course, would lead to you having a less than brilliant day.

His website on doudoupop is well worth checking out for more examples of his dark, macabre and yet funny designs.

Hard to swallow?

It’s a sexyful, delicious, weird.

Violenta fashionistas!

Portuguese retailers Clothes in Closets got inspired by that idea that some shoppers can be brutal when it comes to sales. In order to promote their big sales, the result was a shopping bag that comes with built-in badass brass knuckles for handles.

The message is clear—the store has sales that are good enough to get into a fight over.

The creative campaign was created by Leo Burnett (Lisbon, Portugal).

 

Wearable websites

If you have a company website, this is the ultimate marketing tool—if you don’t mind total strangers scanning you with their camera phones. When a cell phone scans an “Extended Identity” T-shirts, it will visit the coordinating website. The shirts feature a datamatrix barcode, known as a “tag.” Using a mobile phone camera, a person can take a photo of the tag which is read by software on the phone. From there, it launches a browser and takes you to the website.

The shirt can be customized to link to any website, social networking page, photo, video or music file. That includes Facebook and MySpace, as well as Augme’s own profiles which are designed with mobile-viewing in mind.

In Japan, reading barcodes using a mobile phone camera has been common for a long time. There, people regularly access websites and exchange contact information using printed barcodes that can be found in classified ads, on billboards and business cards. Increasingly, barcode-reading software is being installed on mobiles in Europe and North America. That includes the Nokia N93, N93i, N95 and E90. For phones without built-in barcode reading software, a free download is available at Augme.com. The application lets users find free tag-reading software for particular phones. 

I see 3D

A company using a technology developed over 10 years ago by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology allows it to make anything from a computer-aided design plan and turn it into a 3D product.

Early this year at the International Builders Show in Las Vegas, MetalTec Innovations, a division of Irwin-based ProMetal/Ex One Company, let visitors see what their finished product looked like after it has seemingly been cast in metal.

In this case the unique process is much quicker, doing in about 10 hours what traditional casting methods took from weeks to months to do.

What’s the criteria for being able to make a product? If it can be scanned as a virtual object, it can be made.

Because potential customers have had a hard time figuring out what the technology could do, the company focused on hardware to begin with and has moved into other products as people see their finished work.

Using a revolutionary printing process, artists there are able to take any computer-aided design plan and — in a perfect marriage of art and math — turn it into a solid, three-dimensional product.

 

Let there be light!

If you’re like me and thinking tidying up means stuffing everything inside drawers, boxes or toilet tanks, you need Chong Mingliang Sky’s fantastic USB key-holder. The design acknowledges that important things like keys should have a designated place. The holder comes with five matching USB keys, each with its own keychain attachment. Once plugged in, the flame-shaped LED above it lights, giving the appearance of candles from a distance.

Spruce up your debt maker!

Dress up your credit cards with these self adhesive stickers from Charles & Marie. The stickers don’t cover up your name or credit card number, just the standard art-by-bank portion.

LEGO (Lethally Edged Gouging Object)

Remember playing with Lego as a kid? You no doubt looked at photos of great Lego houses, cars, and neat contraptions that you desperately wanted to recreate—perhaps you even dreamed of creating your own Lego weapons, too. Now you can build all the neat things you wanted to—it’s time to relive your youth! An automatic Lego gun would have put a whole new spin on kindergarten. A former Lego Manager and former Lego Designer have released an insider how-to book; surely they must be living underground now to avoid the Lego hit teams looking for them.

Two ex LEGO employees, Ulrik Pilegaard (senior designer) and Mike Dooley (Mindstorms boss), have written a book about LEGO hacking. Forbidden LEGO is full of dangerous projects which break the LEGO house rules, from the “High Velocity Automatic Lego Plate Dispenser” to the “Candy Coated Catapult.” In fact, breaking rules and folding non-lego objects into the mix are so important that each project has a “LEGO Rules Broken” list.

 

These are the times to “LEGO” of conventional thinking. Innovation is the key to success in the current climate of fear and loathing when it comes to change. So, we say change brings dollars. Make cents?

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity
The AFTERLIFE

 Change

Spring has not sprung just yet!

While traveling home, enjoying the desert in bloom, I then hit the high country and, as luck would have it, my kids and I are trapped in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The highway is shut down and it looks like a snowstorm will keep us from getting home for a few days. Looks like the next issue of The AFTERLIFE Epitaph will be late a day or two. It’s the first deadline I’ve ever missed!

Here’s to “Spring Break” taking place while it’s still winter. YEESH!

Someone we DON’T want in The AFTERLIFE (so soon).

I received very distressing news. One of the pioneers of the alternative comics movement is in very serious trouble. S. Clay Wilson, a man who pushed the boundaries and reinforced the first amendment needs help. Read on and please repost this!

Jonathan,

I have distressing news.

Last November, cartoonist S. Clay Wilson suffered a severe brain injury in a fall.  He spent a week in intensive care and faces a long recovery.  Even with insurance, Wilson’s medical expenses are beyond his ability to pay and have made him and his family paupers.

I’d like your help to raise money for S. Clay Wilson’s medical expenses.

S. Clay Wilson is a major figure in American comics, a founder of the underground comix movement. Wilson is known for aggressively violent and sexually explicit panoramas of “lowlife,” often depicting the wild escapades of pirates and bikers. He was an early contributor to Zap Comix, and Wilson’s artistic audacity has been cited by R. Crumb as a liberating source of inspiration for Crumb’s own work, and I can say as much for myself.

I’d like to give a little back to the bad boy of comics, so I am turning my next 24 hour comic into a benefit for Wilson.

For those of you who may not have heard of it, the premise of the 24 Hour Comic challenge is that an artist attempts to complete 24 pages of comics within 24 hours.

I am soliciting pledges from friends and comics fans for each page I complete, the money to go towards Wilson’s medical expenses.

Contributions are at levels named for S. Clay Wilson characters:

Checkered Demon- $25 a page and over

Star-eyed Stella- $10 – $24.99 a page

Ruby the Dyke- $5- $9.99 a page

Captain Pissgums – Under $5 a page

Your contribution is not tax deductible, but contributors will receive an autographed copy of my completed story.

The 24 Hour Comic Event will be open to the public and will take place at Cosmic Monkey in Portland, Oregon, on Saturday, April 11th from 10 am to 10 am Sunday (which just so happens to be Easter).

Read about the 24 Hour Comic event here: http://www.cosmicmonkeycomics.com/

Seven other artists will join me in soliciting pledges for their own 24 Hour Comics: Joshua Kemble, Kevin Cross, Neal Skorpen, Mike Getsiv, Tony Morgan, Josh Fitz and Steven Abrams.

Copic Marker has agreed to donate art materials for the event, including manga-ruled paper.

Anyone interested in pledging can reply by e-mail: davidchelsea(at)comcast(dot)net or write to me:

David Chelsea.
2814 NE 16th avenue
Portland OR 97212

I will contact all sponsors after the event to let them know how many pages I completed and to send them their copies.

Checks can be written to the S. Clay Wilson Special Needs Trust and sent to PO Box 14854 San Francisco CA 94114.

Thank you very much for considering this and helping me celebrate the season of Easter as well as Passover in an inspiring and meaningful way. Please forward this message to anyone who might like to help or simply see what we are up to!

Best wishes,
David Chelsea.

The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Mar. 16th, 2009 #18, Vol.1

The Epitaph is published every Monday (usually posted Sunday night around 10:00 PM, Central Time) so the unusually high hits today either tell me that people are trying to catch this weeks issue before it is topped by next weeks issue, or people are expecting early publication.

Fear not readers, the next issue will be published on time. The only issue I missed was when I was (1.) traveling and had no internet access, and (2.) when a scorpion bite made my typing finger blow up to the size of a baseball.

As always, we love to hear from readers and special comments e-mailed to The Epitaph stand a very good chance of being included as eulogies. The increasing hits tells us you enjoy the blog but your e-mails and posted comments tells us what you like and why. Drop us an e-mail!

I really, really like you!

By the way…there will be no issue next week as we enjoy Spring Break, trying, where possible, to enjoy a few days off with friends and family. See you in two weeks!

Quotes from the deceased

“Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those doing it.” 

~ Chinese proverb

Eulogy to The AFTERLIFE

“Look at you being all modern and blogy! Nice work!” –  Joshua Jeffryes, Panamedia.com

Yes, but I still type with two fingers, so there’s still a way to go – JS

Show me da Munny!

If you don’t know what a Munny is, then you probably also don’t know that TV stations will be dropping their analog broadcasts soon. Not ones to bash, but to inform, Munnys are the vinyl figures that have been sweeping pop culture for several years. There are also “do-it-yourself” blank Munnys and, naturally, people get quite creative. Here are just a few of our favorites…

Check out more great Munnys at:

http://www.kidrobot.com/2008/munny/?p=gallery 

We’re not joking around!

Nothing says fun and warmth like a ski mask emblazoned to make you look like the cuddly psychopath and Batman nemesis, the Joker.

So when do they introduce the Texas Chainsaw Massacre “Leatherface” hat?

Garage sales

Professional garage door provider, Clopay, recently changed their website in order to make it more user-friendly, and also to empower consumers to see what a garage door would look like on their home before they buy it. All you do is upload a photo of your home and try out doors with the online tool to see which one fits the best with your house design flavor or personal desire.

While that’s not the newest use of the meduim, I always dreamed of painting a photo-realistic scene of a messy garage interior on the garage door so it would look like it was open and there were odd things inside like flying saucers, bodies, A-bombs, etc. Well, these murals are quite artistic in their own way.

Un-real realism!

Some more interesting murals.

Eye see…or not

A couple of years ago, the U.S. military changed the woodlands camouflage pattern that had been in use since the second world war for something that was proven to “confuse” the human eye. Well, these examples of “urban camouflage” are just as confusing. Great for scaring the Swedish meatballs off of Ikea shoppers!

 

When you want to be beaten or called names…

T-Shirts have really gone high tech and a bit romantic with the cool new Proximity Based Dynamic Life Shirts. These Tt-shirts, sold in pairs, have removable animated decals with six nostalgic 8-bit video game styled life hearts on the front that light up individually as the two shirts get closer to each other. You need two people wearing these shirts to make the magic work, so give one to your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day. It’s a perfect excuse to get a little closer and be ridiculed by everyone in creation!

(Editor’s note: Great technology but really stupid example. If you can’t think of a better or less embarrassing use, then give us a call and we will!)

Get the point?

We’ve spotlighted ninja throwing stars and knife handles that do this, but now we’ve found throwing darts that are clothes hangers. Buy them in a set of three. Better yet, buy a dartboard and have these stuck in the wall half a room away!

AmsterDAMN!

Oh, first it was their legalized pot and prostitution (um, well…) now they want to show you your weight while you wait (no pun intended?) for your pot smoke-filled, prostitute-driven bus. It only works for one person waiting for the bus, on their way to the pot-serving whore house.

Greenpeace gets down and dirty

Shock ads always seem to drive the point home and these ads from Greenpeace really get the message across. The copy reads, “You and your children can get used to this, but you don’t have to. Say no to nuclear energy.” We would have gone with, “Your grandchildren will see a different world if you don’t do something about it!” Still, very powerful visuals!

The truth is so much better!

Why is it that late night TV spoofs of commercials would make better commercials than the actual ones?

 

We would like to wish our clients, friends, readers and future clients a very fun and safe Spring Break. Naturally, the cell phone will be at my side and ready for business. It’s not work if you love what you do, but how does one make out an invoice for “fun?”

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity
The AFTERLIFE 

 

The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Mar. 9th, 2009 #17, Vol.1

I received a message about branding  Nebraska. As I told the person, it’s hard to follow “I love New York.”

Nebraska, despite some hip towns, really has an image problem. There weren’t too many things that could be called into play that would convince corporations to relocate there (unless they use, Nebraska – no corporate taxes and slave-labor wages). I pointed out Austin’s motto, “Austin is weird,” which is playful and causes a buzz. My first suggestion is just make outrageous statements to draw attention and cause buzz.

“Nebraska – Where there are hardly any UFO abductions!”
“Nebraska – Were people are kind and friendly because it’s the law!”
“Nebraska – No earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes or other natural disasters to kill you horribly!”
“Nebraska – It was Iowa that killed Buddy Holly, not us!”
“Nebraska – Sure it’s cold, but that means you’ll stay young forever and ever!”
“Nebraska – if a billionaire like Warren Buffet calls it home, then perhaps you could be a billionaire, too!”

“These are great ideas! I really love the humor approach,” he replied. It turns out that the committee wanted “unequaled work ethic” as the state motto. They thought it would draw corporations to relocate.

“Well,” I said, “that’s an outrageous statement, too! I don’t know how they’ll defend it if sued by Texas or Wyoming, claiming THEY have unequaled work ethic.”

That was the last I had heard of that branding initiative. Then a few days ago, on a business trip to Phoenix, I saw an article that wrote about a $160,000 branding for the city that went, “Phoenix – Arizona’s urban heart.” People were not impressed and wrote comments asking which agency had taken the money and run. One reader commented, “to which they should have added, ‘ . . . needs a defibrillator.’ “

Not naming the agency says two things; the state knew they blew $160,000 on a turd and not naming the agency saves a lot of death threats against the agency personnel and, if not a local agency, against the state officials who shoveled money into someone else’s economy.

The downtown partnership’s CEO told The Arizona Republic, “First off, a brand or an image that you are portraying has to reflect the reality, but it’s also aspirational. This is what we are focused on becoming.”

While I somehow doubt Tombstone, Purgatory or even Tuscon will ever top Phoenix as Arizona’s urban center. One person commented that the best selling point would be, “Phoenix – you’ll never shovel snow again!”

There has always been a struggle to brand what may be close to impossible to brand. San Diego, which needs no hype, paid for the slogan: “365 Days of Ahhhhhhh!”

New Jersey supposedly hired a firm to come up with the slogan: “We’ll win you over.” The governor rejected it.

A few years back the Dallas Convention and Visitors Bureau paid $150,000 for “Live large; Think big.” For that kind of money they should have added, “spend foolishly.”

One expert quoted in The Republic article said that cities trying to re-brand themselves should not play it safe. That’s why the Las Vegas slogan is so successful. He added that any good slogan also must be honest.

Here at The AFTERLIFE, we applaud taking chances, reaching for what will open eyes and cause buzz. But honesty, over all, is the utmost truth. That and the wonder of how many New Yorkers truly “love” New York. I lived there for 42 years and “liked” New York. There was too much to hate.

Quotes from the deceased

“The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.”

~ Hunter S. Thompson

Eulogy to The AFTERLIFE

“In the entire Afterlife we’ve never seen such innovative, clever designs as Jonathan has gathered here.  It’s nothing short of a miracle!  Signed, Moses (from Palestine), Jesus (of Nazareth) and Mohammed (not the Ali one).  Okay, I’m really Barbara Dale saying it but I swear to God it’s true.” – Barbara Dale, President, Dale Cards, Inc.

Who nose?

Hip flashlight manufacturer Mag Instrument, Inc. is drawing on the fact that kids will stick anything up their noses in their latest ad campaign. Making light of this strange habit, Maglite is launching the company’s smallest model called Solitaire, with these humorous images of kids with illumination beaming from their nostrils.

Beyond the obvious finger, children have been known to insert candy, small toys, food and even rocks into their nasal cavity, so I wouldn’t put it past them to stick a mini flashlight in their nose. The results can be serious and a trip to the doctor for removal of the object is often necessary.

The ad campaign is by Leagas Delaney of Hamgurg, Germany, so please have your lawyer contact them when you are extricating flashlights from their nasal cavities.

 

Are creative people freaks?

Knuckle down to trouble!

Are you tough? Or maybe you just want to just look tough, without any pain or stigma? Then these tattoos are perfect 4 U! These temporary tattoos adhere to each of your knuckles and offer such classic witticisms as “This Hurt”, “Last Call”, “Babe Mgnt”, “Eye Candy” and “Doll Face”.

You’re bad, and you know it, so let your fingers do the talking. Hopefully they won’t get you into big trouble.

Select from Him or Her.

and if you want to show your sensitive side, there’s crying men magnets. Magnets individually measure approximately 2 inches wide x 3 inches tall.

Available at perpetualkid.com

Quit yer wine-ing!

If you’re looking for a fun wine bottle stopper, check out this cool new Send wine bottle stopper. This silicone bottle stopper instantly transforms a wine bottle into an amusing message in a bottle, while preserving the wine’s flavor and aroma. It’s the perfect gift for any wine lover and would really come in handy if you were ever stranded on a deserted island with an empty bottle of vino.

The bark is worse than the bite

A strong concept but the wrong placement. The ambient is meant to advertise how many trees are used to make toilet tissue. The problem — it’s placed by a sink and do we really want people to wipe less?

Please note, bring your own pencil

The old alma mater to many denizens of The AFTERLIFE, the School of Visual Arts, has a campaign urging people to “think.” To that end, lined paper is served up in many forms with the hope people will feel creative and write down something. I f I remember correctly, SVA didn’t offer writing courses, much less cared if students could spell their own names.

Judging from the previous entry in this blog, SVA doesn’t care how many trees are flushed. Judging from this campaign, someone “flushed” their career.

(Editor’s note: since we started with mottos, SVA used to have one of the greatest; “being good is not enough when you dream of being great.” Why mess with success?)

Did you miss this one? I sure did

Here’s a really stellar bit of creativity that might have gotten overlooked amid the frenzy of Super Bowl ad gimmicks. To promote its “Smart Grid technology,” GE created a sort of Webcam hologram. Just follow these instructions to make your own “augmented reality,” as seen below. (You’ll need a printer, Webcam and microphone.)

Hard hitting commercial

Speeder is haunted by the vision of a boy’s corpse. See this once and you will never forget it.

Bong hitting commercial

It was only a matter of time before these ads started hitting mainstream media.

Tired of crumby meals?

Clean up table crumbs with this neat little vacuum burger. Lettuce keep a clean table!

Hybernate

The “Bear” sleeping bag is one of the coolest things to hit the sleeping bag market. It can zip up completely, like a costume or just hit the sack with your head hanging out of the toothy mouth.

After the opening rant on branding, what can we say except one should never chance a budget, large or small on an agency unless there is truly a great track record of creativity. Now, who might have a great track record with products from Disney/Pixar, Warner Bros., Harley-Davidson, ESPN, Lucas Films, American Express, Federated Department Stores and other fortune 100 companies?

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity
The AFTERLIFE

Click here to contact an agency with a great track record

The AFTERLIFE EPITAPH – Mar. 2nd, 2009 #16, Vol.1

We like to look at our blog stats and see where our readers are finding us and which web sites and blogs have linked to one of our stories. Links have increased and eventually it had to happen…we were linked from an infamous hate group under the guise of a legitimate religious organization. There’s two things we hate here at The AFTERLIFE; one is when readers miss an issue and the other is intolerance.

We won’t even mention the name of this group as we don’t wish to add any hits to their site. We just want them to go away! 

Creativity means having an open mind to all possibilities. Creative people come in all shapes and sizes, all colors and creeds and all genders and sexual orientations. It is not the package that houses the creative mind that matters, it is the ability to create, innovate and generally make the world a better place. We support diversity and wonder why those who have faith that G-d created the universe and is an omnipotent power, think G-d needs their help to harm others on this Earth? 

Quotes from the deceased

“There aren’t too many people ready to die for racism. They’ll kill for racism but they won’t die for racism.”

~ Florynce R. Kennedy

Eulogy to The AFTERLIFE

“Jonathan, I like the Afterlife blog lots!  I’m in no hurry to get to the actual afterlife, though. I like this life even better.  I mean, look at all the cool toys it has!” – Walt Jaschek, Writer, waltnow.com 

Walt, we can wait for you here at The AFTERLIFE. The way things are going, we’ll be too busy processing bank and Wall Street CEOs  – JS

When the “Tide” turns, embrace the new “Era!”

“If you can’t hide it, embrace it,” is a good life motto. Cool accessory designers, Miss Geschick and Lady Lapsus, must clearly agree, as they have developed a product to embrace this trend.

Their ‘Puke Pet’ brooches give your pesky stain a purpose by simply making it part of your outfit. Simply pop on a ‘Puke Pet’ brooch and you’re ready to rock, stain and all. If you want to make more of a care-free statement, just go for the stain pin and let people stare.

 

Get organi
zed!

My father had the pile system. If he needed it, it was in “the pile.” I’m a big believer in the Rubbermaid system (the “pile” is in a rubbermaid bin) and trying to sell my kids on a plastic shoebox for each of their toy collections. Organizers do make a difference and here’s some more gadgets that keep the piles down to files.

 

Iiiyee!

These ads for Croma Eye Drops use bloodshot eyes with capillaries shaped like arrows, flames and snakes to relate their message to “Kill the red.” These ads hurt just to look at, but we must admit that they certainly evoke the sensation of red, irritated eyes and the corresponding desperation to get rid of that feeling.

The ads were created by advertising agency Tonic, Dubai, UAE.

 

MANIC-quins!

As children growing up in New York, so many of us lived for the annual Christmas displays in the windows of department stores along Fifth Ave. These displays are the stuff of nightmares.

Zombo mambo

This undead minion is at your full remote control command. Simply press a button on the brain-shaped remote control and he walks and groans – press it again, he stops…hopefully!

Jones-in’ for gold!

Although this ancient golden fertility idol won’t make you fertile, is far from ancient and is made from durable, gold-colored vinyl rahter than gold, it’s still a cool replica that doubles as a bank for your coins. It’s accurately recreated in every detail using digital scans from the original movie prop and features a coin slot in the back to hold any currencies you may have looted, er aquired during your adventures. Giant rolling, crushing boulder sold separately.

How much larger can TVs get?

Engineers at Toshiba in Japan are on their way to making OLED TV Wallpaper, which will allow you to wallpaper any wall you choose with a very thin OLED screen.

According to sources at Toshiba, this is how this would work: “The wallpaper uses light that has been redirected by an ultra-fine grating that is fabricated by self-assembled nano particles.” It would seem that the effect might be similar to that of a Fresnel lens like those used in traffic lights, amplifying the intensity without requiring additional energy.”

Well, that sounds simple! Perhaps an application they didn’t consider is endless loops of moving wallpaper patterns when you aren’t watching the TV.

Brace-lete yourself for more Bluetooth

Here’s another fun Bluetooth gadget, the stainless steel Stainless Steel LCD Vibrating Bluetooth Bracelet.

This funky Bluetooth bracelet is made from stainless steel and features an LCD display that will let you know who is calling you. When will they add a matching pendant and earrings?

Ears to you!

A promotion for their frequent use earplugs, the 3M company went for a piece that could be used for many, many years. One plug for the month and the other for the day.

Wha’?

The last issue of the EPITAPH spotlighted the work of Matthew Hawkins (custompapertoys.com) and his 3D paper work. This isn’t Matthew’s work but we have to wonder why they used such a great medium for such a lame message? Maybe it’s just lost in translation. Maybe it’s just poorly written.

(Ad reads, “Office vultures can be more dangerous than desert ones. Get out of the world you live in. Idea adventure Fiat.”)

Shopping with character (or Hello Billionaire Kitty!)

Tokyo Character Street opened as part of Tokyo Station’s underground shopping mall in March 2008 and has since served as a center for people who want to buy goods featuring characters from anime and other forms of pop culture. A total of 15 shops operate there, including TV networks’ shops, an Ultraman shop, and a Snoopy store. The Street is regularly packed with young people, families, and travelers and is one of the newest hotspots in town.

Tokyo Character Street is located on the Yaesu side of Tokyo Station in an underground mall with 100 restaurants and souvenir shops called First Avenue Tokyo Station. The area around Tokyo Station is a business and commercial hub, and the station itself is the starting point for several Shinkansen (bullet train) lines and many other train lines. On weekdays First Avenue is used by commuters, students on school trips, and foreign tourists, while and on weekends and holidays it is visited by many families with children. The underground shopping mall offers a way for people to pass the time until departure, and many travelers wander in and out of the shops as they wait for their train.

Tokyo Station First Avenue originally had about 10 shops dedicated to character goods, including Snoopy Town Mini and Fuji TV Shop. These shops were relocated to a single, 80-meter-long section, and the number was increased by inviting an five additional outlets to set up shop. The new shopping street thus features a lineup of 15 shops specializing in popular characters like Ultraman and Hello Kitty, as well as merchandise from TV stations.

According to the consulting firm Character Databank, Inc., the retail market for Japanese character goods in 2005 stood at about ¥1.61 trillion yen ($17.9 billion at 90 yen to the dollar). TV networks know that creating a popular character is one way to improve their business performance, and all of the networks have been putting effort into coming up with a unique mascot and developing lines of goods connected with these figures.

The Ecch Files

Since we covered useful organizers, what could be better that these truthy file folders. Keeps the office staff laughing and the HR person writing reports about your “attitude.”

(available at perpetualkid.com)

Organized. It means you get what you want, when you need it and without budget overruns. The staff at The AFTERLIFE is chosen for their track record in efficiency as well as their talent. Organize your needs by making sure you have The AFTERLIFE at your finger tips. Bookmark this site and put our e-mail into your address book.

Jonathan Schneider – Archangel of Creativity
The AFTERLIFE 

Click here to contact The AFTERLIFE!